Many of you know me.
Many of you don't.
I have had an interesting life to say the least
And I am only 31
- Well 32 next month.
Many can relate,
But there are very few that can understand.
What does it feel like when a step parent dies?
Well, I will try to tell you.
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I'm the baby - My mother is holding me. Etta is being held
by my father. Grandma Florence (paternal) is in the middle. |
When I was eleven my father passed away.
He was diagnosed with melanoma cancer when I was six years old.
When I was told, I didn't really understand.
I thought he had a stomach ache.
But as he got sicker I prepared myself.
I knew that he would die and I knew that I would grow up without a father.
I told myself that it would be ok.
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From the last trip we took as a family.
From left to right - Shayna, Me, Etta, and little Matsi |
To this day
I still remember the conversation that I had with myself late one night.
Life would go on and important events would occur without him.
But I had my mother, brothers, and sisters - 5 children all together.
My grandmother and aunts lived nearby and I had loads of friends.
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| My childhood home |
My aunt's friend had an intervention with me during the shiva week.
I hadn't cried after his death and apparently that was weird.
What nobody realized was that I had already cried.
You can't change what's unchangeable.
I felt such relief when he passed.
"I could sit here and cry about it
or move on and do something about it."
The best time of my life were the two years after my father passed away.
Although I had brothers, they were just so little.
It was a girls house.
We had slumber parties and homework nights.
My mother grew wings and we healed.
After a little while my mother started dating.
We listened to her funny stories and gave our opinions about everything.
When my mother met Elliot we knew that something was different.
She was happy.
They were married within a few months and we moved.
Bye Bye California sunshine - Hello New York winters.
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| Sara, Ruchie, Matsi, and Hudi |
He had 4 children of his own
And with our 5
We were 9 all together.
People used to say - "Oh, like the Brady Bunch!"
And I would say back with a big smile -
"Yah, the Brady Bunch from Hell."
We moved into a big old house in Long Beach, NY.
A small island off the coast of Long Island.
My brother was just 3 years old when they got married.
I was 13.
All step families are complicated.
Everyone comes with their own personal baggage.
We all make mistakes.
We learn.
We mature.
We grow up.
Children AND Adults.
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| Elliot |
Elliot was my step-father.
He could never replace the one that I had.
But -
He was good to my mother.
He loved her.
He loved my brothers like his own.
He was the grandfather to my children.
And they loved him.
For that I owe him tremendously.
What I have learned is that you only get one life to live in this world.
But like a book, your life is made up of many different chapters.
My family only got to know Elliot for the last part of his life -
His last two chapters.
The chapter where he raised us as a combined family.
And the chapter where he became a grandfather.
18 years in total.
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| Etta, Dovid (Friend), Me, and Ruchie |
It's a strange feeling.
I never felt that I could have a relationship with Elliot.
I didn't want to intrude on his relationship with his own kids.
He wasn't my natural father.
He didn't belong to me
He would never love me as much as his own children.
So why try??
I was just one of the many.
I was the "problem" child.
Always told it like it was.
As I said before - The step child/parent relationship is complicated.
It's important to note
That it never crossed my mind that my father would be mad at me if I created a relationship with Elliot.
I loved my father very much.
No one could take away my relationship with him.
But it bothered my father's family.
They never forgave my mother for moving us away from them.
They understood, but they never forgot.
I can relate to other children of divorced families.
For I was always trying to make peace.
Do I say "MY" parents in front of them?
It was a dagger to their hearts.
And I didn't want to hurt them.
But what they didn't realize was that they were hurting me.
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| 2002 |
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| 2007 |
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| 2008 |
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| My mother and step-father |
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My 5 natural siblings
Hudi, Matsi, Me, Shayna, and Etta |
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| Elliot (pop pops) with Zac. My third child. |
Now Elliot is gone and MY family is sitting shiva.
My brothers tore kriah, but my sisters and I did not.
We did it when my father passed away.
My brothers were practically raised by my step father.
Out of respect they are sitting a Chatzi/half shiva.
People are coming.
The door never closes.
In and out all day.
They are here to visit my step-brother, my step-sisters, my mother, and his sister.
A couple of my friends have come by and a few have called.
But what is the protocol?
At the end of the day, they are really not here for me.
.JPG) |
Elliot and me with my daughter Juli
and niece Eliana. |
But I am still mourning.
For my step-father.
For my children's grandfather.
However uncomfortable, unusual, and dysfunctional our relationship was -
he was still a part of my life.
We might have only known each other during his final chapters,
but he was my step father during the first part of my book.
What a strange position to be in.
Where do we go from here?
We are all very close.
We have grown up with one another.
There is just too much history to go our separate ways.
Their mother is gone
My father is gone
And now my step father is gone too.
But my mother is still here.
We are still a family.
You can't change that. No one can.
In the meantime I need to go through all my boxes and filter through all those old pieces that were transferred to the rental property. I really don't want to have to shlep them back to the studio!! There are just too many pieces! So I decided to have an End of the Year Clearance Sale! The perfect way to end this fantastic year with my fans. Let's get rid of those pieces just hanging around the studio and retire some collections. 
.JPG)
